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According to Scientists, the Real Reason that People are Overweight is...
02/01/2008 - By Michele Wojciechowski (Wojo's World tm) Food
Food
Some time ago, I read about a study in which scientists concluded that the real reason people are overweight is because of their pets. You know, the little, cute fuzzy dog or cuddly cat you would do almost anything for?
Yeah, they were the reason that people were overweight. I didn't get it, but I'm not a scientist.
I also didn't believe it because I've had pets all my life. Sometimes I've been underweight, sometimes my target weight, and sometimes overweight. And my dogs, guinea pigs, parakeets, and hermit crabs were never to blame. Now if I ate them, I would understand how they could cause me to gain weight. But let's face it, that's just gross.
Some months after reading about the pets-make-you-fat study, I read about another one. Okay, now we had the real reason why people are overweight. Are you ready for this? It's because of our friends.
Yup. They deduced that if you had fat friends, you were more likely to be fat. This was one of the goofiest things I'd ever heard. Again, throughout my life, I've had friends of all sizes: underweight, overweight, and normal weight. And never once did they "make" me gain or lose weight.
I mean, think about it. Unless your friends tie you down and stuff you full of crullers, how are they responsible for the fact that you may need to shed a few pounds? Unless, of course, you ate them. But, as with the pets, that's just gross.
Many times over the years, I've seen words in bold colors on the covers of magazines practically screaming that STRESS CAUSES WEIGHT GAIN! This I could buy. Why? Because I think that most of us have had a time or two in our lives when under a ton of stress, instead of "taking a brisk walk" or "calling a good friend" like an article may suggest, we prefer t hunker down with a gallon of Haagen-Daz ice cream. Will that make you fat? Uh, if you eat enough of them -- Yes!
Genetics? Yup. It's said that can make you fat. Along with pets and friends and stress, I'm surprised we can even get out of our homes.
Most recently, I read about a study that say it's a virus that makes people overweight. You heard me--a virus. You know, like the flu. Wich if you get the stomach kind, can actually make you get a bit thinner. But that's gross...
So if it's a virus that causes people to gain weight, that means I don't have to watch what I eat anymore, right? I can quit exercising, right? I can eat as much ice cream as I want because unless the nasty virus goes away, I won't have any control over my weight. Right? WRONG!
I've come up with my own study. It's called, If You Eat More Calories Than You Burn Off, You Might Be Overweight. Gasp! I can just hear the shock reverberating throughout the scientific community. "She's a genius!" they'll exclaim. "Why didn't we think of this before?" they'll wonder. "Let's get Wojo as our next keynote speaker," they'll say.
And during my speeches, as I travel first class across the country on their dime, I'll Wow them with tidbits like, "If you keep stuffing your face, soon your pants won't fit anymore." Or "An apple a day may keep the doctor away. But a whole box of donuts a day will get you into the hospital in no time flat."
But remember, reading humor doesn't ever make you gain weight. It has no calories. No fat. And it keeps me in a job. So keep reading and watch the weight fall off... Unless you eat a gallon of ice cream while you read this. Then it's all your dog's fault.
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Michele Wojciechowski is a freelance writer, editor, humorist, and stand-up comedienne in Baltimore, Maryland. To get Wojo's World(tm) via email, contact her at MWojoWrites@aol.com.
This article was extracted from On Purpose Woman Magazine's February/March issue. (www.onpurposenow.com/magazine).
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